Don't make out with my wife yet
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize