i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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