just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
