it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
