wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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