Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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