Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
