office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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