do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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