What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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