I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
