I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
