I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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