She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
