I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
