Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
