Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
