I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
