I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
