You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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