He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
