She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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