You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
