I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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