she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looked like the before picture.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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