...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was born a porn star she said
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the liver wants what the liver wants
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
