brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do vagina's smell?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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