When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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