I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
