what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
