so let's talk penis.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
