Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
