I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
