Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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