I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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