omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
