if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
