I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
