We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
