like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
