Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I need water and some morals
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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