I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
