I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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