The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
