I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Rumble strips road head = magical
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
