What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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