Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dicks are not precious.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
