He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
