I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
