CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
