Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Four minutes until I can fart!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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