Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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