I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
