i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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