just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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