if you like me you must not know who I am
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
