someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
