The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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