i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
