Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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