could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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