i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's the barista slut.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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