Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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