I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
