i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
