Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
