Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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