Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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